Swami Vivekananda used to see two contradictory ideals
as soon as he went to bed at night; given below is the complete description in
Swamiji’s words:
As soon as I went to bed, two ideals appeared before
me every night ever since I had reached my youth. One vision presented me as a
person of endless wealth and prosperity, innumerable servants and dependants,
high rank and dignity, great pomp and power. I thought that I was seated at the
head of those who were called big men in the world. I felt I certainly had the
power to achieve this end. Again, the next moment, I felt as if I had given up
everything of the world and was leading a life of renunciation, putting on a
loincloth, eating whatever was available without effort, spending nights under
trees, and depending solely on God’s will. I felt I could live the life of the
Rishis and the Munis if I wanted. These two opposite pictures, according to
which I could mould my life, thus arose in my mind. But the latter would grip
the mind in the end. I thought that it was in this way alone that man could
attain real bliss, and that I should follow this path and not the other.
Brooding on the happiness of such a life, my mind would then merge in the
contemplation of God and I would fall asleep. It is a matter of astonishment
that this happened every night, for a long time.
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